Happy Not Birthday!

December 29, 2011 at 9:43 PM | Posted in Baby Romaezi | 2 Comments
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This post is coming a bit late.  Rather than apologize for that, I’ll just accept late blog posts as a standard these days and roll with it.

When the clock struck December 1st, I was overwhelmed with anxiety about the 1 year anniversary of being admitted to the hospital.  I’m sure it sounds slightly silly but Kayvan and I experienced a lot that day. I’ve spent most of the year pushing it all to the back of my mind, but as the day approached on the calendar, I found that task more and more impossible.  As we were experiencing everything that day last year, I felt as if I was doing everything with beer goggles on.  Slightly numb, slightly in shock and most certainly feeling like absolute crap.  This is all thanks to magnesium, of course.  I lived it, I had the conversations and it was all very real then but when I jump back into the memory now, sans magnesium (and beer goggles), the fear we lived is still pretty fresh, only now without the protection of being slightly in shock and with the added ability and time to over think.

Kayvan and I really have nothing to fear anymore.  The fear is gone but I’m still processing the whole experience.  I had to almost go into auto pilot to get through the hospital experience and well, auto pilot is no longer turned on and I’m free to over think.  I wanted to celebrate Kamran, our special little man.  So, I decided that we would embrace the day and dubbed 12/23 Kamran’s “not birthday”. 

Mr. Kamran woke up in a fantastic mood, and waved at me repetitively like he does to everything and everyone these days.

 

As with anything worth celebrating, Kamran got a not birthday present too!  I was so excited to give it to him because this would be the very first present he ever unwrapped.  He loved it!  Especially the part where he got to unwrap the present with his teeth.  Oh babies and their sensory processing ways!

 

 

Throughout the day I received lots of love.  This was oh so unexpected.  The day started out from an e-mail from a fellow former bed rest momma who lives in Canada.  It was so sweet, unexpected and both brought a smile to my face and tears to my eyes.  She totally gets everything I experienced because she went through something similar.  Later I got an e-mail from one of the L&D nurses who worked the sucky Christmas hours it took to make sure I stayed pregnant and didn’t have myself a Christmas baby.  Little did we know that she would be a fellow bed rest momma a few weeks later, so she gets it too.  A bit later in the day I answered a knock at the door, expecting it to be the contractor who was scheduled to work on our deck.  It was a man armed with flowers from the aforementioned former bed rest friend.  I was so surprised that it took all I had not to cry in front of this man.  I’m sure that would have made him really uncomfortable. Kamran’s twin-friends did a quick drive by later in the day with another not birthday present for him.  He absolutely loved their gift and part of hit has turned into one of his favorite things to crawl around with.  The blue cylinder from the shapes in a bucket toy (not sure how else to describe it).  A huge thank you to everyone who called, texted, stopped by with gifts, mailed surprises (or flowers) and sent e-mails.  It really meant a lot to me and made me feel a little less crazy for being slightly emotional that day.

No not birthday would be complete without a visit to the hospital to share goodies!  We took Kamran by to show him off and say hi to our nurses.  He LOVED all of the attention he got and absolutely hammed it up complete with big smiles to thank the ladies who got to listen to him every 4 hours. 

All in all, 12/23/2011 was amazing and leaps and bounds better than 12/23/2010.

World Prematurity Awareness Day

November 18, 2011 at 2:52 AM | Posted in Baby Romaezi | 2 Comments
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November is Prematurity Awareness month, the 17th specifically is World Prematurity awareness day.

Reading so many stories of preemies has brought forth a lot of emotion for me today. Before I turn this blog into something deep, I share with you one way in which I raised awareness today. Below is a snippet of conversation with a coworker. I won’t generalize and mention her hair color, but it certainly doesn’t match mine. We often write quotes like the one I share below on our board and tease her when necessary.

Me: You’re wearing purple, happy prematurity awareness day!

K: Right, because I’m so mature.

Me: (giggle–then I realize she wasn’t making a joke) Wait, you do know what prematurity awareness means, right?

She didn’t. Of course I filled her in–then wrote this conversation on our white board.

This day obviously held much deeper meaning for me than for my coworker.

I spent some time when I woke up today and this evening after work reading the preemie (I will abbreviate) Awareness Day Facebook page. Mostly happy stories were shared and occasionally sad. Whenever I see stories of 20 something weekers, I always well up. If there is one thing this whole experience taught me, it is that you truly cannot understand the depth of some things without experiencing them firsthand.

I am lucky to be able to say that I didn’t have a 23 week preemie. Last December, doctors thought I would. When my water broke at 23 weeks 2 days I was told I HAD to make it to 24 weeks to give Kamran the chance to survive. I was also told that there was a very high likelihood of delivering within 72 hours. Further, if he were to be born at 24 weeks and survive, he would face serious challenges. This information changed me forever. It rocks you. Hearing it makes you numb–lost in a dark abyss. On the shallow end, the perfect pregnancy you were expecting is suddenly out the door. Forget all of those cute pregnancy clothes you invested in, they will just sit in your closet and taunt you when you are fresh out of the hospital and no longer pregnant. On the deeper end, visions of meeting your perfectly pink and chubby baby for the first time fade into the fear that you may not actually meet your baby at all. From there the thoughts just spiral, can my marriage handle this, I’ve failed my baby and my husband…all among the medication, doctors, nurses, blood tests and the barrage of stimulation that is hospital life.

Being in labor at 23 weeks is so many things. Number 1, it is scary. More scary than I imagine normal full term labor to be. At 23 weeks, you aren’t supposed to be there. You have no control over the situation you are in and are entirely at the mercy of medical professionals to save your baby’s life and keep you safe in the process. I can’t even accurately paint the picture of emotions I went through last December. But I was scared.

Knowing what we went through and NOT having a 24 weeker, I cannot begin to imagine how much more scary it would have been to actually have had Kamran at 24 weeks. To those parents who have realized those fears, I tip my (crochet) hat.

Knowing just how lucky we got off, most days I feel silly calling Kamran a preemie. He was born at 35 weeks. He was practically term! It pales in comparison to what could have been but thankfully was not. However, we spent 33 days in the NICU. Kamran had his own set of challenges and he certainly was a preemie regardless. I am thankful that I did not have to realize the fear of being mom to a 24 week preterm baby and am oh so happy for my happy healthy 8 month old boy born only 5 weeks early.

One Week, One Day

March 23, 2011 at 2:02 PM | Posted in Baby Romaezi | 4 Comments
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Kamran turned one week old yesterday.  It is insane to think I should still be 36 weeks pregnant.  To the bed rest mommas, I know it isn’t easy doing what you are doing but having my baby in the NICU for only a few days has been harder than being on bed rest for a few months.  It is the hardest thing I have ever done.  Tough it out, no cheating either.  I know it is tempting to do more than get up, go to the bathroom and get in bed.  Call your nurse, or if you are home, call your husband to get whatever it is you need for you.  I didn’t have Kamran an extra week early because I was up and about more.  I wasn’t.  I’m just telling you that sitting in bed is worth it and way easier than the NICU.  At least it is for me. Continue Reading One Week, One Day…

Minime

March 22, 2011 at 1:31 AM | Posted in Baby Romaezi | 6 Comments
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Not MY minime…Kayvan’s.

Tell me this child doesn’t look exactly like his father. He has my mouth but that is about it.

Kamran, 6 days old

Kayvan, 6 days old

Continue Reading Minime…

Day 82: 35 weeks and a Baby!!

March 15, 2011 at 6:02 PM | Posted in Uncategorized | 49 Comments
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So we officially made it to 35 weeks and my body celebrated in the only way it knew how this morning. You guessed it. Another bleed. Only this time It wasn’t the subchorionic hemorrhage causing it. The morning started just before 6 a.m. Was eventful and went by fast.

We started out with an IV. A freaking IV because I needed fluid and it wasn’t an easy task. It took four, yes FOUR attempts and four nurses to get the IV in. I have to give it to the nurses, They tried desperately for an arm stick. When all hope for that failed they really tried for my right hand. Here I sit, with an IV in the back of my left hand. I also learned the real reason IVs are so tough to get into my body. I have lots of valves…which are good to have in that they pump blood through your body. Bad for IVs because you can’t put a needle through them. Oh AND They took my food away. Not a good sign. Continue Reading Day 82: 35 weeks and a Baby!!…

Day 81: Ending of a Chapter

March 14, 2011 at 3:54 PM | Posted in Baby Romaezi | 4 Comments
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This time next week I’ll be in labor.  If I’m lucky and the whole process is fast, I’ll already be a mom.  Kayvan and I have decided to count down to the next milestone which is our trip to L&D THIS Sunday night.  That means we are 6 days away!  That means this is my last week in the High Risk Pregnancy Department…or HRP as we familiar with hospital lingo call it.  This morning, as the lights were yanked on by the lab tech at exactly 6:00 a.m. (I just love being the first on the list) I realized that this is the LAST time I will be pulled from my beauty rest to be stuck in the arm and have the blood sucked from my body at such an hour.  Now, I am expecting the need for blood work at the end of this week…and an IV…and other medical interventions that I do not want to think about right now.  But they won’t be waking me at 6a.m. for blood draws anymore!!!  I’m looking forward to this week of “lasts.”  Some of them, like the blood draws, I’m happy to see go.  Others, like the non stress tests (yes, NSTs), ultrasounds, hearing baby’s heart rate every 4 hours during vitals and just being pregnant in general I know I’m really going to miss.  I’m sure having a baby in my arms will trump all of this. Continue Reading Day 81: Ending of a Chapter…

Day 80: BUSTED!!

March 13, 2011 at 5:51 PM | Posted in Baby Romaezi, Crochet, Sookie the French Bulldog | 2 Comments
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Oh man, I’m so busted.  This morning I woke up feeling some kind of awful.  I was so congested.  My throat was all mucusy, my nose was absolutely stuffy, my throat was sore and I had no voice.  I couldn’t wait to jump my morning hurdles and take the hottest shower possible.  When I got in the shower, I knew I hadn’t seen the doctor yet.  As a matter of fact, I heard him knock on my door and come into my room as I was getting into the shower.  Thankfully he wasn’t a nursing student.  Well, the doctor just came by again and the first thing he said was, “That was not a 10 minute shower!  I came by 3 times.”  I laughed and told him I heard him knock as I was getting into the shower and added that I was feeling pretty congested and needed the steam.  I promised him that not all of my showers are that long.  They aren’t.  But I know I break the 10 minute rule all of the time!  What are they going to do?  Come in and drag me out?  I would rather that to a 10 minute water shut off timer (which we don’t have here).  Talk about one pissed pregnant lady! Continue Reading Day 80: BUSTED!!…

Day 79: Who are you and what have you done with my husband?

March 12, 2011 at 5:55 PM | Posted in Baby Romaezi | 1 Comment
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This is Kayvan’s last full weekend to get things done before the baby gets here.  It is also his last weekend at home before coming back to the hospital to stay with me full time.  That means he is out and about running errands before he and the pup come visit today.  I got a text from him at 11:15 that said, “I find going to the baby store new and exciting.”  You bet I read that one twice. Continue Reading Day 79: Who are you and what have you done with my husband?…

Day 78: Our Numbers are Dwindling

March 11, 2011 at 5:31 PM | Posted in Baby Romaezi | Leave a comment
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I have mentioned before that I really look forward to Thursday at 2:00.  It is the one time a week that I can get out of my room for a whole hour and talk to people who in a similar position as I am.  Over the past 5 weeks or so there have been four of us who were ALWAYS there.  I would say we have all become at least good acquaintances.  Two of the women were also 34 weeks, like me.  The other is a few weeks behind me, 25 weeks, I think?…maybe 26 by now.  We have shared our pregnancy sagas with each other over the past few weeks and learned that I have been here the longest.  The girl who is 25 or 26 weeks was admitted at 22 weeks so she might beat me for the length of stay.  I hope she does!  We also learned that I was the one the doctors planned to deliver first, at 36 weeks. Continue Reading Day 78: Our Numbers are Dwindling…

Day 77: No More 4D Pictures for us

March 10, 2011 at 2:49 PM | Posted in Baby Romaezi, Crochet | 11 Comments
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I had an ultrasound bright and early this morning.  I think I was the first one on the list.  It was so early that I almost confused the ultrasound tech for a food service manager.  I was about 5 seconds from asking why food service was in my room at 8:15 a.m. th en I made the connection.  Oops, in fairness I had just woken up 15 minutes before.  In the chair I went, down the hall, hair a disaster, sleep in my eyes for an ultrasound.  The early morning wake up call was all worth it.  I got the good ultrasound tech.  All of the doctors and nurses want her to do their scans.  I’ve only had her once before and she was all business.  This morning, she was really fun.  Before I even got on the table she said she would see if she could get a 4D picture for us.  I didn’t even ask!  She poked the ultrasound probe around my belly taking a million pictures of my placenta.  I think I’ve seen more of that thing on the ultrasound than I have the baby.  The she poked over all of his body parts just to see where everything sat. Continue Reading Day 77: No More 4D Pictures for us…

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